Trauma is caused by deeply distressing or disturbing experiences or an experience that completely overwhelms an individual's ability to cope. Trauma means wound. Someone who is still carrying significant wounds from their experiences that have had lasting adverse affects on their ability to function mentally, physically, socially, emotionally, or spiritually. Trauma changes who we are. It shapes our hearts. Trauma changes the way we see the world, people and God. Complex trauma goes far and long after the event is over. Repeated medical treatments can be a form of trauma. Children or people who aren't able to articulate what's happening or what's happened to them, that can be traumatic. People with trauma tend to keep others at a distance. We tend to judge what we don't understand. Fear is at the root of it. Often fear that we have no control over. We often don't believe the invisible. We tend to dismiss or minimize the experience/s. categories of woundedness 1. physical anguish: anxiety, panic attacks, not being able to concentrate, fatigue, sleep, heart palpatations, stomach aches, headaches, When a trauma story goes untold, the body does all the talking. 2. Shame: 3. faith questions 4. Traumatized people often have trust issues and are often emotionally dysregulated Be patient with us if we don't want to interact or join in an activity. We are scared and we need to test the waters first so to speak to make sure it's a safe thing or place for us. 5. hypervigilince- let them be, build trust. Hypervigilant people are very jumpy. Their nervous systems are on high alert. Don't sneak up on them and don't come up behind them. Face them instead give a nice firm hand on the shoulder or a nice firm hug. This will help calm their nervous system. 6. intrusions 7. overwhelm Things to not say to someone with trauma or to someone who's clearly in distress. 1. you need to trust God more 2. this is how you should be responding 3. what do you think God wants you to learn from this. 4. we'll be praying for your shaken faith 5. you need to find meaning in your suffering. 6. God's trying to teach you something, 7. what do you think you need to learn. Don't question a person's faith or ask them to have more faith. Don't tell them to forgive and forget. Traumatized people tend to set firm boundaries. They have people they like and feel comfortable with and they have their list of people they avoid. They do this to feel safe. Get to know a person and their story. Find out what has happened to them. Have a different stance. Have a different perspective. Allow them to lament. Be okay with sitting with the uncomfortable. Realizing that healing is a journey. It's not a quick fix. Spiritual abuse: Controlling or condemning by using doctrine, scripture, or religious authority. Sometimes the spiritual abuser doesn’t know he’s abusing. They often believe what they’re promoting and teaching. We’re often told that we have secret sin or a lack of faith. Those who have been spiritually abused are afraid to disagree with somebody. They are afraid to speak up and voice their opinions. Get to know each person’s unique experience. Understand what passages have been used to abuse them, Understand how those passages have been twisted Understand how spiritual abuse has shaped that person’s view of christians, the church, etc. 1. The spiritually abused person is going to be very fearful of you harming them. They have been tremendously wounded and they are right to be distrustful of you. Be cautious and allow them that freedom. 2. The spiritually abused person may not be able to hear what you are actually saying. Your words are being filtered through a warped grid. Using a soft, gentle, empathetic tone of voice can help disarm the person and help calm them down. The right tone of voice can change their whole demeanor. 3. You are going to hurt them. Caring for someone who has been spiritually abused is like doing surgery in the dark. You aren’t going to be able to see or detect all the wounds that you’re going to bump up against. Let the person know that you realize that you are going to inadvertently hurt them and I want you to tell me when I say something that you don’t understand or when I say something that hurts. 4. They will likely struggle with assurance. Christian communities will feel scary to them. Be thoughtful and wise about how you think the person should engage with their church, small group or bible study. 5. Highly reactive people. We have very sensitive nervous systems. 6. Graces of the faith that are meant to build them up are often inaccessible. Christian communities often feel like danger. 7. Recogize the healing journey is a long one. 8. Have a 2 dimensional view of suffering. 9. Invite people to rest. 10. Don’t debate or lecture victims. 11. Let the person know that you hear them. Validate. 12. One thing I get all the time is when people say "forgive and forget." It's not that easy. Churches often teach forgiveness without boundaries and this can be terrifying to someone who's been traumatized. Traumatized people will avoid certain people or situations out of fear of it happening again. I hate it when people say "don't be afraid, trust God.". I've been very fearful of everything ever since I was a kid. When people tell me not to be afraid, it's very invalidating and I don't feel heard or seen.
PTSD is the experience of having an event or a series of events that are life threatening that make someone feel unsafe, out of control and the result of those experiences or that event lives on in the person's life for months or years. Children are more susceptible. PTSD is basically the experience of the past event or events always seeming to somehow work it's way into the present through various triggers PTSD is Anything that gives someone a feeling that they're out of control, they're unsafe, People who have experienced PTSD are often hypervigilant. Safety is essential when it comes to healing. Safe community is essential so people know that they aren’t alone. Trauma can cause shame Safe community can calm down the limbic region of the brain. The healing process is very slow and can be a lifetime. Be patient with people We are so often alarmed by what we don’t understand Look past the person’s symptoms and ask them to tell you their story. Don’t try to fix the situation but listen to the person’s story Notes taken from Joni and friends ministry podcast episodes. *